I thought I'd be spending the night alone but not!
I knew I'd be spending Christmas alone. In fact, this is probably the 3rd time I have not been able to spend Christmas with my family because of that thing they call "job".
Anyhow, I was bent on snacking on my chickenyjoy and salad I bought on the afternoon of the 24th, and just about 9pm when I was getting ready to dance the night away by sleeping early, I got a message from some guy.
Okay- this guy is just a friend. And I mean just a friend. We are alright. No fireworks. Not even a spark. He is in fact very funny. The only guy I knew who can outtalk me. You heard it right-- he can outtalk me! Seriously he can!
He said, maybe we can spend christmas together since he is also alone. So just before the clock hits twelve, we were dancing like crazy and was laughing so hard I almost died.
It was too late for me to realize I missed some messages/ calls from some people who wanted to greet me in time for Christmas. Cheks has long greeted me in the afternoon of the 24th. In the land of peking duck and congee, very few people celebrate Christmas.
My Heartbreaker also greeted me around 10-ish (pm). I guess he saw what I posted in my facebook that I was spending christmas by myself so he said something like: "Come stay with us.". As if we are not miles away, eh?
So I told him, I am good and I wish him nothing but the best next year. The response I got was: "I wish the same for you too, Bella. From the bottom of my heart."
I didn't text him back after. That is enough for me. Just hearing that he wishes me well make me really happy. I wish that he'd find the right girl for him. And I am taking this with a grain of salt. To say that I'd be happy seeing him with a wife is not something I can promise. In fact- I expect that's gonna sting on me still.
But right now- my heart is ready to love again. And for me to be able to say that, I had to let go of an old familiar feeling.
My Heartbreaker deserves a better kind of love, even more than what I can offer.
I do, too. We both do.
So on the night before Christmas, I said to myself: "Grazie, Lord. Now, I can feel my heart again."